Beyonce, as usual, is making headlines with her September issue of Vogue and a candid interview with her thoughts on all sorts of topics, including, the legacy she wants to pass on to her kids. She wants her daughters to see themselves in books, films, as CEOs, and knowing that they don’t have to fit a certain mold. When it comes to her son, she says:
I hope to teach my son not to fall victim to what the internet says he should be or how he should love. I want to create better representations for him so he is allowed to reach his full potential as a man, and to teach him that the real magic he possesses in the world is the power to affirm his own existence.”
This quote led me to think about how toxic masculinity (and femininity) influences our lives and our roles at work, home, school, and in our communities. I certainly can’t answer what it’s like to be a man, but I don’t think men and women should feel confined to play certain roles and fulfill stereotypes to be “quiet and nice” or “strong and stoic.”
How do men and women work together to turn things around?
There is a treasure trove of answers and thought-provoking questions in the Man Enough online series that is the start of a very important dialogue. In the series, a group of men openly discuss what it means to be a man, be vulnerable, and #metoo. The men in the series recognize that the concepts of masculinity in American media ingrain misogyny in boys and girls from an early age. So much so that almost all the men in the series have witnessed harassment or assault and failed to intervene even though they consider themselves good guys. In the #metoo episode, Tony Porter, the CEO of A Call to Men says that he thinks “It’s really rooted in how the law is defined. You could do some crazy s—- and be on the side of the law, right?” Yes, he’s right in the sense that employers and harassers got away with sexual harassment and retaliation against women for coming forward for a long time (and still do sometimes), mostly because there weren’t any real legal consequences until Title VII came along, but sexual harassment continues despite the legal remedies that exist at the state and federal level. Legal remedies by themselves are insufficient to effect change in the absence of a shift in culture. If women aren’t comfortable coming forward, there won’t be any cases against harassers and/or their employers.
#Metoo is the dawn of social consequences for bad behavior. Will #metoo lead to legal consequences? We will have to wait and see. If we give boys the space to ignore what the internet says boys and men should be and allow them to affirm their own existence, will misogyny begin to disappear? This won’t be my last post on this complicated topic, so stay tuned!